"Don't Look Back", says Mrs. Lot

I've been thinking that reaching my goal and having surgery would be an end. I've been saying, "I can't wait to be done with this phase". But this morning I had the thought that reaching my goal and having surgery is not only the beginning but the reality of that is scary, scary, scary. It feels like a test to see if I've learned anything over the past 20 years. I'm already ramping myself up to doing more "once I have surgery" or taking on more "once I have surgery". It's me wanting the old me back - once I look like I did, I can act that way too. Of course, we all know that acting in the old ways is what led me to being sick and gaining weight - so who wants to go back there? Anyone?? So we need a new way to look at this. Having my body back is not going to change my immune system, it's not going to change my emotional makeup, it's not going to change my endocrine system. I'm merely going to have perkier boobs. I need to stop putting so much "weight" on the package and come to terms with the gift on the inside. As Kathi likes to say, "It is what it is". Acceptance and lowered expectations - the key to happiness. I'll work on that this week!