Saturday, December 24, 2011


Bored. I have exchanged one rut for a better but equal ruttiness rut. I was hoping for something different - like I'd love exercise & go for a walk every day or work out at the gym but instead I sit here in my chair & tap away at my computer. I coach people how to stay away from foods as my husband goes to Taco Bell & brings me home junk. I feel groggy & gross from the days' food. I tell myself I'm doing better because I'm staying away from sugar - which is better - it means I'm not sick all the time. But junk food & carb overload still makes me feel lethargic, large & pointless. What is the point? That is the question. What am I going to spend my time on during my days on earth? I barely go do my volunteer work, I'm not taking care of my health, I'm watching people get ill & die & tell myself "will it take cancer for me to finally eat healthfully?" I'm tired of sitting here waiting for something to happen bad enough for me to do something. Why will it take something bad for me to act? Why am I not acting now? Why am I not acting on my own behalf? Please act, please get this done, please finish this race!!!