Off the Wagon

It started with this amazing rice dish that I made on the 31st. I hadn't made it for company up until then because I knew it was one of my more favorite things - but I made it & then subsequently ate it! I gave the rest away that night so there wouldn't be leftovers but then I made it again 2 nights later, resolved not to eat it & then subsequently ate it! Lesson learned - don't make favorite foods that are off plan! DUH!

I also bought low carb, sugar fee ice cream bars for dessert for the company I had over & have eaten a few of them as well. These aren't horribly off plan but the amazing thing about this is that they make me feel sick the next day & yet, I've eaten three. It's the pattern of - taste good now, feed the craving - pay for it tomorrow. I'm sick of that pattern & really don't want to do that to myself anymore. I guess the difference is that in the past, I would have gone through the whole beat myself up without having any resolve to change my behavior but this time, I feel more like, "Take care of yourself - you don't deserve to feel like this." I guess I feel more care taking of myself now, which is a new feeling. So those are out of the house now.

I'm now back on plan and having company over again tonight, but making something that I can eat and feel good about. It's good to occasionally wander into the real world and experiment with what behavior I'm deciding to alter. I definitely don't want to go back to my self destructive habits and I'm NOT GAINING WEIGHT BACK!! I absolutely refuse to do that, so I'd better learn NOW what works & what doesn't.