It's 6 am & I'm obsessing about going out to breakfast. I've been comfort eating for a few days & I keep telling myself that illusive lie "Just for today - I'm going back on plan tomorrow!" The thing is, I don't know what's going on. I had a mini breakdown a few nights ago thinking of having to get the boys up to date with their vaccinations for school - they cry and cry and cry - like for 3 hours afterward (it hurts their feelings that we would allow someone to hurt them - every time they remember the shot, they start crying again!) It's horrible and I can't imagine going through that several times this summer! And I think I'm severely stuffing some stress that I don't even know I have. I've been feeling a strange sense of impending doom recently but nothing real is going on. I think it has to do with summer coming and then the boys starting school is freaking me out a bit. Kindergarten was not a good year for Em (even though preschool was fine) and I think I'm really nervous about the boys. Between that and not liking the change of schedule that happens every few months. As soon as we figure out a new schedule, it changes. Not sure what to do with Em this summer. Not sure if I should put her in summer school for a few weeks but then that costs $300 - don't really want to spend that!! But the 3 kids for 3 months is a bit overwhelming as well. I have 1 1/2 months to worry about this - am I really going to comfort eat for 1 1/2 months? Really? I need to figure out another way to deal with impending stress without eating my way through the year.
I started this plan in August so maybe I shouldn't be surprised when certain times of the year are tough. Like winter break and Christmas were tough - I REALLY felt deprived eating on plan when everyone was eating to their hearts content and had a "vacation" day. Then Spring break and our vacation were times "off". So now I have impending summer, which is always a stressful time for me. I was hoping I would exercise my way through this stress (did good last week) but even typing that makes me laugh. I've fought for so many years the genetics my family has passed down. Too funny. I'm thinking I'm part of Jack LaLanne's family tree or something - exercise my way through stress - HA. Not to take away what I'm accomplishing - I guess I should be more proud of my success seeing the genetics I have.
Okay, on with the day - another day to decide how I want to treat myself. And it's only 6:30 am - it's going to be a long day!
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I've been preparing myself for the journey of losing weight for years & it's time to walk the walk, materialize the vision - you get the point. Follow me as I go through this process.
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Relax. Be proud of your accomplishments and enjoy each day for what it is. Sounds like you are overwhelmed a bit. You need to breathe. Stop thinking and just enjoy the view in front of you today, enjoy the healthy family and beautiful weather and smell the roses you have in front of you. Stop beating yourself up in your mind. These thoughts are from fears and a past that is no longer your reality. Focus on the now, and on positive things you want to do. Slow down and take it one moment at a time. Don't overthink all of these things. Let go. Each day, each moment, just focus on the one decision in front of you, and make it inline with your overall goal. Each decision is an opportunity to reinforce yourself, and reinvent yourself.... Let go of the past...you can leave it behind. You already have...don't let it haunt you anymore. The boys will be fine. They will get thru this. You are the adult and doing what is best for them, what they think will change. You know what is best. Stop it there. You might try to make a game out of this and distract them...challenge them to see if they can out tough each other...and maybe they will look at getting the shots as a contest to see who is stronger. If they see you laugh, they will laugh too. A few seconds and it's over. We've all been there and here we still are, we lived thru it. Don't worry, don't let anxiety overwhelm you, you are doing great and this summer is going to be great. They are all older then last year and Emily is a great help for you with the boys, you will have fun. Have them go for walks and exercise with you. Go to the zoo, the beach, the park, around the block, the gym, etc..Kids love to help make a difference and feel that they are important to you, and if you let them be a part of your journey, they will be proud of you and of themselves. Focus on possibilities....and don't think, just do it. ;-)
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