I went to lunch with my mom yesterday and asked how her out of town friend was - she said, and I quote, "She's REALLY wrinkled and weighs about as much as I do now." WOW! There was nothing said as to how the friend was doing but only about how her body looked. It really struck me how frustrating it must be to go through life putting so much emphasis on body image. I also wondered how I came through my childhood as well adjusted as I like to think I am. Then I watched Oprah and saw woman after woman talk about how they HATED their body. So sad.
One thing I realized a LONG time ago was that my body was thoroughly separate from what I had been doing to it. It's not my body's fault that it was fat & falling apart - it was my fault. In fact, I began to admire how well my body was doing at supporting all that extra weight. I would carry my child up the stairs & thought it was going to kill me and yet I carried around an extra 150 lbs around all the time and my body has distributed it so well that it doesn't feel like 150 lbs. My body has been resilient and wonderful in these years of crisis. How dare I blame my body and disparage it when it's MY choices that have made it less than desirable. NO - I'm not about to HATE my body. I HATE some of the choices that I make and I am less than pleased with some of my genetics but I LOVE my body and am grateful every day that it tries its best to keep up with the negative decisions that I have made. Wonderful, God given, Vibrant, Resilient body of mine!
Thursday, May 13, 2010
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I have often wondered what my Moms attitude about weight had to do with my body image and constant fight with my weight...When at a convention or gathering where we haven't seen some people for a while.. she will give me a blow by blow account about who really gained weight..and how much she doesn't like their hair.. I'm alway amazed, that this is what it has come down to for her... I'm not blind, but that is so not what I see. I see my friend! I'm so happy to see them and that they are still in the truth. Could my fat be a little bit rebellion? I'm with you.. how sad that our Moms are so hung up on body image...
ReplyDeleteDo we have the same mother??
ReplyDeleteDo you think it is a generational thing? Does that older generation seem to be more obsessed with others weight or do I just not have friends that judge on that basis?
I can still remember so vividly my mom dying of cancer - she still had about 7 months to live - and her gleefully saying, "I finally fit in these jeans. They are a size 2!" I was speachless. I was screaming in my head, "you're dying of cancer you crazy lady."
I accepted a long time ago that my weight issues are my childish response to my mothers view of weight. It's my way of saying, "I don't care about what you care about". So now the challenge - how do I grow up and not let my dead mother influence what I eat today?