Coming back to life

Alright - it's time. I need to refocus and come back from the brink. It's been a stressful transition from the school year to summer but I'm slowly figuring it out and once I get there it will be Sept and the boys will start kindergarten. I'm not good with change - never have been - and this is just another life lesson given to us by our children. When you have kids change is guaranteed every 3 months for at least 18 years. What's the most difficult is dealing with my stress but not making the kids feel like it's at all their fault or that they are responsible for taking care of me. Em is especially sensitive to thinking she needs to take care of me. I've been overloading on TSFL program materials - recorded weekly calls, DVDs, CDs, the HOH books - everything I can get my hands on. And it's been working. I'm really motivated to get going again.

This week's call was about not stopping short of our goal and it really resonated with me. One thing she said was that our motivation changes once we start feeling better. So if we stop and then try to restart we find it so much harder because we already feel better. That's really true for me. I was SOOOOO miserable when I started but after losing 90 lbs, I have so much more energy, I can keep up with the kids, I don't get sick like I used to - so it's hard to feel motivated. I really have had to find a motivation from a good place instead of a motivation from "I hate my life". I've found some pictures and I'm working on my storyboard. I found a great picture of being 36 weeks pregnant with the boys - wow, does that remind me how miserable I was. The equation was something like: 330 lb.starting weight 35 old female + 7.4 lb. baby + 8.3 lb. baby = GET THEM OUT OF ME!!! But then I can see how far I've come and know how possible it really is to reach my goal. I still fight with the thoughts that I won't make it, since I haven't for so long. So it's been good to remind myself with pictures (I'm so visual anyway) of where I was, where I am and where I'm going. I came up with a 20 min presentation and I'm going to start next week trying to get in front of people. "This used to be my specialty. I was good in a living room. Send me in there, I'll do it alone." - Jerry Maguire. That's how I feel - I'm good in front of people, so I thought I'd go back to what I know. Let's get back in the saddle and feel a bit more in control instead of being whipped around by life. Look out world - here I come again . . .