Never Trust a Skinny Cook

I think it's funny how we hold to the belief that we're normal, even when we know we aren't. I guess it's human nature to try to hold onto the image but I have to keep reminding myself that I have food issues and how I think isn't necessarily "healthy". I was watching that unnaturally skinny Italian cook (words that should not be said side-by-side) and between the thoughts of "how in the world does she cook food like that & stay so skinny" I was thinking how much it bothers me to watch FoodTV and see them put bowls in the sink that still has some left to be scraped out. Then it dawned on me that, no, that's probably not a "normal" compulsion. In fact, that line of reasoning has led me to finish my plate on more than one occasion. Or go back for seconds, even when I'm not wanting more. "For goodness sake, there is more there - we must use every last bit!" And it's true that I HATE to throw away food. I'd rather eat it than throw it away. And I eat at parties as if I will never see chocolate cake again in my life. Funny how my last post was saying eating compulsively felt new, but now that I'm thinking about it, I can think of MANY times where one piece was not nearly enough, frankly, when one dinner wasn't enough. Wow - the blinders we wear!! A couple of years ago I went to a graduation party and a friend made her famous homemade strawberry cake - yummy! And afterwards I felt embarrassed about how many pieces I ate. Then I went to another party "on plan" and the same person brought the same cake - didn't even taste it. But I still had to bring some home to Kurt - of course, can't let it go to waste - someone related to me MUST enjoy it.

There are all these books about conscientious eating and trusting yourself to allow yourself to eat. And then you have Overeaters Anonymous which touts, "We admitted we were powerless over food — that our lives had become unmanageable." WOW - what to believe - no wonder people can't lose weight. I don't know if I am with either team - but I do know that right now I don't trust that if I ate a piece of that yummy strawberry cake, I would stop at one piece. Does that mean I'm powerless to it? Not ready to admit to that and yet I don't trust myself to taste it. Hmmmm, with people like me in the world, therapists will continue to stay in business! (side note - Kurt & I waited 10 years to have kids and people would ask why we weren't having children. Depending on how offended I was that they were prying, I'd either answer "Because we don't have sex" or "Because I can't afford their therapy.")