Nighttime Hottie!

This is somewhat embarrassing to admit (but then again, it's my subconscious so it's not really my "fault") but my subconscious mind must be working out some issues in my sleep. It's preparing me for being "hit on worthy". I have had in the last 3 weeks of being sick, 2 dreams about guys hitting on me. And I have to admit, I'm quite flattered by my subconscious of the caliber of men it thinks will be hitting on me - the first wasn't that great to look at but he cooked for me!! But the one last night was a college age star football player - WOW. I guess somewhere deep down I think I'll be cougar worthy after another year of weight loss and after my plastic surgeon puts these girls back up high where they belong! Who knows where that dream might have gone if not for my son's bloody nose @ 2 am. No, by the time he woke me up my 6'8" husband and 3 rambunctious kids had arrived at the event & he saw he had no shot. :-)

But, seriously, I am fascinated that I must be somewhat preparing myself to be "flirt worthy" again. I used to be "hot" in a Romanian looking sort of way. Nothing like my friend - let's call her Barbie - but good enough in my own little world. But since I gained 100 lbs within a year of marriage, I have felt gender neutral all these years. There would be times that someone would flirt with me or suggest interest, but I never really took it as a compliment because I had such a low self image. I thought it said more about the guy and his low standards. I don't think less of myself in any other way because of my weight except where it comes to being attractive to men - so it might be true that gaining the weight was a way to feel "safe" while being married. I have played with that idea over the years. Maybe having 3 kids screaming all around me all the time now makes me feel safe enough to lose the weight. Oh well, at least I enjoy going to sleep at night.