Doing well

Back on now - have a few clients back on too, which helps. I've gained 30 lbs and I'm done feeling bad about myself and how I eat. The other day I was sitting at night and wondering why I lose my resolve half way through the day and it came to me that I disappear throughout the day. I slowly lose myself and accomplishing becomes the important task at hand. I had gone through Taco Bell, even though I was trying to talk myself out of it all the way through, and sat and ate burritos and as I was it dawned on me that I didn't want Taco Bell, I wanted to sit for 15 min before heading home. So I'm committed to not disappearing - I need to stay present and continue to fight for myself and what I need. For example yesterday, my 9 hr day in service, I was fading around 2: and really wanted to eat - so I went to a salad bar and got food I could eat and stayed on track. Then I didn't push myself to be social and talk for about an hour - I just needed to regain strength. And then lying in bed last night I was wanting to "reward" myself by eating today but instead I slept in and took care of myself that way. I really need to stop pushing so hard and take time out in the day to recoup.