There is a quote in the movie Overboard that totally rings true with me - Edith Mintz: "But darling, if you have a baby, you won't be the baby anymore."
This is my problem - I knew it from before I had children - I want to be the baby. I want to be nurtured and cared for and babied. There, I admit it - I know I'm not alone, I just think most don't like to admit they are high maintenance. I'm not high maintenance to most of my friends, but I knew going into marriage that I wanted to be well taken care of & I'm happy to say - I AM! This morning my mom was going on to Kurt how he makes my coffee and serves it to me. To many women of her age, it's unheard of that I'm so well taken care of by my husband, but to me this was going to be a necessary evil for the poor man I would marry. Not to say I don't take care of him, just in totally different ways. In fact, Kurt & I have always had a backwards marriage. Think of most traditional marriages, the man is in control of the remote, wants to be served, does the finances, taxes, insurance arrangements, is ambiguous about having kids and ends up being a tad jealous once they do arrive. "Traditionally" the wife doesn't care too much about the finances, wants to have kids, talks a bunch, waits on the husband and likes to cuddle. Okay, reverse those roles & you have Kurt & me. LOL!!
So I actually have unresolved feelings about how the kids interfere with my/our life. Not that I don't love them - you know what I mean - I just want to be the baby too - I want Kurt to pay attention to me at the end of the day. I can't fault him for not being able to, but in the end, I usually turn to food in the evening because it's my way of nurturing myself. It's one of those things that you can logically know is crazy but that doesn't make it go away. I want to go for a drive, I want to go out to a calm, decent dinner, I want to go out to my friends' homes for adult conversation, I want to go to bed early and not be awoken 50 times in a night. These are the costs of having kids, I know - but like many parents, I sometimes have issues with it all.
So I think this has been part of my latest breakdown - how to nurture myself without food. How to be okay with not having a partner because his time is being taken by more important things. How to go out to take care of myself & not feel guilty that I'm leaving my kids & husband (barely happens anyway - but when it does).
Friday, March 12, 2010
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I can totally relate to the feelings about the kids in the sense of wanting to have some adult companionship (not with kids along) and the ability to go to bed and not have responsibility for just one night. Funny thing is, they grow up and move away and all you can wish for is gone and not to return. I won't say the obvious and knowing they will grow up doesn't take away how you feel now, but it does happen and then one day you are back to where you started-kids gone and you are your own pilot again.
ReplyDeleteWendy is still talks a bunch. :)
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