Putting on new glasses

For full disclosure, I've gained a total of 22 lbs from my low of 239. Yes, I'm bummed about that - it seems like A LOT!! Well, it is a lot. It's harder to walk & function & move. But, on the other hand, November was a big month in regrouping. I've had many decisions to face and things hit me from all sides. I've had to take some time remembering what I stand for and what's really important to me. I've had to fight with my inclinations and standard mind set. Life is all about which glasses you choose to see out of. So I'm replacing them once again and trying out a new set.

One thing that has been difficult is letting go of ideas and dreams. I watched the Beyonce tour last night and she was crying saying - Why did God give her such a life and such gifts. She was living her dream. And it made me think that I have an amazing life but it's been hard to enjoy it at times because it wasn't my "dream". I feel I'm living someone else's perfect life but I feel so out of place at times. And yet, nothing is really wrong with it. I had these visions of what I would be when I grew up and how I would feel and be and this has all been a journey to accepting where I am without judgment and loving the life I've been given. It's not about NOT loving it, it's about letting go of the fantasy. The reality is, if I really wanted that other life I would have created it for myself. There was nothing with that life that was really out of reach, it was actually more work than I wanted and it was sometimes based on things I didn't really value - like success or money. So on with today and being back on. I've begun working with my new counselor and I'm finishing the book she recommended - "The Happiness Trap" by Dr. Russ Harris. I'm excited to see how December works for me!!