Losing the Battle

I'm back to my old behavior. I'm thoroughly off plan. I'm eating out several times a day - I'm eating almost whatever I want. I've taken on a lot so I have to remain functional which means I can't eat sugar as much as I would like but I still eat it in the manageable amounts. I eat at night until I'm uncomfortably full, until I get a headache, until I beg to throw up and I want to burst or cry or both. My husband went "on plan" & has lost however much weight he has lost but because he's 6'8" he already was thin so it's just rubbing salt in my wounds. No, what really rubs salt in my wounds is that he pronounces his new low number every few days and then brings me the requested junk food (even going out to buy it for me) hand delivered to my comfy chaise lounge and then goes off to his computer to unwind. He's done his loving duty for the day by appeasing me with junk food as he continues to lose weight. Because I HATE being competitive, my natural instinct is to roll over and that's what I've done. I have rolled over. I'm not going to compete with him - even though he isn't necessarily trying to compete with me. He's just a man and isn't thinking about his actions. I have to get mad again. I have to hate him again so I don't ask him for anything and I don't ask him to bring me food. That's what happened the first time - I began to hate him and hate the hand he was having in my gaining weight. It's like us both being alcoholics and I quit for a while so he wants in on the action and adulation so he quits and then brings me wine every evening. Is it really without malice? Really? No way to prove it either way, is there? I'm miserable again. I'm up to 255 which is within striking distance but it feels like such a setback. I need help and I'm not sure where to get it. I'm miserable.