Listening . . .

So now I have the many voices of Wendy to listen to & I have found that I was missing some very important voices that I would need to "Stop the Insanity". Where to begin? I had to first start listening to what was actually being said. And start identifying who was saying it. For a while I actually tried naming them to help sort out what was going on - always the organizer - even in the face of craziness. And then I very consciously began cultivating the Nurturing Parent voice. I had to start by cultivating the Adult voice by taking the judgment away and the "I want" away and try to develop more of "It is what it is". As the Adult Wendy began to come through, I then could move towards, "What would the Nurturer in me want for me?".

I had to visualize someone that I thought of as a nurturing, calm, loving mother and I tried to emulate her. And eventually I did pull out of myself a more calm, non-judgmental, rational Wendy. It's taken many years but I find it interesting when I hear from my friends, "Wendy, what's happened to you? You never would have put up with that in the past." I strive to be gentle with myself & others even though I'm a pretty judgmental person. So I still have the critical voice, but I hear it & then try to temper it with "Yes, but . . ." and then think of something that is more kind. For example, "That person is so unkind & awful. They treat people horribly." "Yes, but look at how hard they work. They give up every weekend to be in volunteer service. We all can be used for what we have to offer & we have to overlook the negative and appreciate the good." One that I like to use is, "They are like onions, as we peel back the layers it's more & more stinky & they make us cry, but it's also one of the more healthy foods. Look at the big picture."

I found it interesting what a strong shift I had made over the past few years. I have always loved the Myers Briggs personality test. It was one of the first things that helped explain me and how I related to others. It also helped me learn how to bridle my tongue a bit more & why not everyone valued my opinions as much as I did. One of the questions is "Which is more valuable - Justice or Mercy?" I had always answered Justice. And when I looked at the test more recently I answer Mercy. Justice is so one-sided, unless you're God making the judgment. But Mercy can be shown every day to everyone around us.

I think one of the experiences in my life that shifted this belief was a friend (we'll call her Jane) that had been partially responsible for the "death" of a young man. She couldn't look at or speak with the mother of this boy because she felt so responsible and guilt ridden. The mother suffers from depression and is known to be a critical and harsh woman. One evening Jane opened the door to find the mother on the other side & Jane burst out in tears. The mother hugged her and told her that she didn't blame her and it wasn't her fault and that she should forgive herself for what had happened. To this day it makes me cry thinking about what an amazing gift she gave to Jane. For all the harshness this mother had shown to some people and for all the judgmental things I have heard spoken about her, I just remember the mercy she showed and she's an example to me of kindness.

I recently read the book (skimmed really - a bit too esoteric for me), "Excuses Begone" by Wayne Dyer and he talks about "Conversing with your subconscious mind" & I have to admit, it made me feel a bit more sane. It really is a step to coming out of strongly entrenched ideas and patterns.

So now I'm more in touch with my many selves and I'm trying to nurture myself, how do I handle this unruly child?